Shunned

“I was not formed yet, not a decision-maker about my life.  I was not yet born to consciousness.  But here, suddenly, I was facing the results of being in the world.  In those empty, slow, lonely days, I had to be born into my next life, as I lost my old self in a kind of death”

I feel as though this is one of those quotes that are going to stick through the rest of the book. And I guess it would stick in our everyday lives as well, what with us being teenagers and all. This is a great growing up quote. It isn't necessarily a happy one one but when you have "growing up sucks" shoved down your throat your whole life, it kind of doesn't phase you anymore. But I digress. What I'm trying to get at is none of us are formed at this age. (Note: "Us" from here on out will also include "shunned/teenager Meredith" jsyk) None of us have had the chance to 'break the mold' and 'become our own shapes'. Sure, we can choose what shoes to wear or when you want to finally roll out of bed and get ready for school but those aren't significant decisions. We haven't tested the limits of society's standards and fully 'dared to be different'. We've all just been unknowingly going through the motions because that's how its always been. But when we grow up (not just turning 18) and we finally think to ourselves, 'wow this sucks. I guess that's what I get for existing,' then you finally have the chance to rearrange everything. If you realize you don't like your friends or your job or your hobbies, you can get knew ones. You can shuffle and change every aspect of your life until you feel comfortable. And with changing aspects of your life, you also change aspects of yourself. You become a new person and whoever you were before ceases to exist. That's a normal part of life and something that every 'adult' has experienced. That's what it's like to truly exist. It's a result of being in the world and living life.

Moloka'i (Sister Catherine)

"You see, Sister. That's all we have to do. Learn how to smile in the cannibal pot, and life would be so much easier." (p. 81)

My drawing depicts a smiling nun in a pot surrounded by cannibals. I know at first it seems more literal than anything else but I'll explain. The nun (just a regular old nun, nothing Sister Catherine-y about her), represents Sister Catherine. The pot she's boiling in is her situation. She is surrounded by lepers all day and all night. The pot and firewood looks like a skull because her situation will likely result in death. Around her are a bunch of cannibals. They represent the things around her that 'stir up the pot', so to speak. The one closest to her represents leprosy. It is the thing she is most scared of and she would rather die than contract it. To the far left is Rachel. She loves Rachel but Rachel is a leper, making it difficult for Sister Catherine to fully show her appreciation. There is also the guilt from slapping Rachel looming over her at all times. The cannibal on the bottom represents Kalaupapa. It is the place she hates the most. She constantly wishes that she never came in the first place. The Kalaupapa cannibal is the one adding fuel to the fire because she can never get away from it. She can lock herself in her room to avoid everything else but she would still be imprisoned on the island. The cannibal all the way on the right represents the other nuns. Sister Catherine is disgusted by lepers and always has to hide it from the other sisters. None of the others have thrown up while bandaging wounds and that embarrasses Sister Catherine. While Sister Catherine is in the pot, she has a forced smile (does it look forced? Its supposed to look forced.) on her face. She doesn't know how to really smile in the cannibal's pot yet but she is trying. She wants to be happy with what she has been given but can't fully appreciate being trapped on an island full of very sick, very contagious patients.

(Also, her habit is covering her eyes like a blindfold but I can't remember what I meant by that. I probably thought it was clever at the time.)